"Much research suggests that people have a “psychological immune system” that initiates protective adaptations when an actual or impending threat is perceived (see Gilbert, Pinel, Wilson, Blumberg, & Wheatley, 1998)."
Taking it all the way back to basic biological science, our bodies strive to exist in a state of homeostasis - a state of autonomic regulation, or more simply put, balance. The body has a natural immune response to stressors attempting to disrupt the system, which is why our mucous membranes get all slimy and leaky when we catch a cold and our internal body temperature becomes feverish during certain illnesses. However uncomfortable these states of being are, they exist as the body's natural way of fighting off that which is disrupting its happy state of balance.
So imagine that our psyche's also have an immune system of its own that initiate protective adaptations towards actual or potential threats... I dare say the psyche is not quite as straightforward as the body is. Enter the theory that we have layers and layers of self-defenses we'll put up in order to stay in the constant state we're in. So, if we've been living a certain way for some time, don't you think change may take a little work to effect?
You've probably seen this image before (and if you haven't, glad I could introduce you to it).
We live our lives with expectations, ideas, and we get comfortable with our schemas and notions of the way things "should" be done or the way things are. Even when we complain and state how much we don't like our lives, we've grown accustomed to our routines (or lack thereof). We love our sugary drinks and staying up til the wee hours of the morning partying our asses off into the sunset, lathering, rinsing, repeating... but O-M-G! I hate the way this dress is(n't) fitting! WHOSE BODY IS THAT in the mirror? We love our sleeping in til noon and freedom from day-to-day... but I HATE being BROKE! I need a job/to win the lotto/etc.
Let's get a little more personal here... I have been struggling financially for awhile. It has probably been my biggest issue that I have wanted/not wanted to face ever since I've entered adulthood. On one hand, I've always dreamed of being financially secure and stable enough to do what I want to do freely - buy toys, trips and good food without a second thought, treat family and friends here and there, help charities that touch my heart, drive randomly everywhere and anywhere without regard for gas mileage or where I'll end up that night... whatever. In many ways, I lived that way for a good while throughout my early twenties. However, it was always living to the last coin, never truly hanging on to a good savings for a rainy day.
Sure enough, the unexpected would strike and I'd be forced to get creative about funding or, to the chagrin of my ego and pride, seek help. For example, in January of 2005, I was on my way home from work in the wonderful San Francisco rush hour traffic when a girl utilized my trunk space as a stopping device for her vehicle at or around 60 mph. My 2001 Honda Civic LX was shortened, as the trunk was smooshed into my backseat. After having to salvage the vehicle, I made a series of poor choices with regards to the money I received from my insurance due to the underlying fears I had of getting a car that I was so fond of and something bad like that happening again.
That series of poor choices included purchasing really cheap vehicles that costed me more in the long run than it would have costed me if I had just invested in a decent vehicle regardless of the incident.
But was it really just that underlying fear, or was it a deeper issue with financial responsibility that was the issue?
Years, two children, a bunch of big unexpected events that cost a pretty penny and many paycheck-to-paycheck months later, I did finally come to the point at which I realized that there was a deeper-rooted issue with my entire view of money and finances that needed to be addressed. Once I came to that conclusion, listed out my priorities and financial obligations, it was like the Universe opened up to guide me on how to tackle each one by one, as I moved forward to finally doing what I needed to do to really live the life I wanted to live.
These things ranged from finally putting into savings and cutting my debt list down one by one to finding employment in positions that are linked to what I really want to be doing with my life (and believe it or not, this is an important aspect of the financial responsibility equation because aside from the understanding that I do need to make enough money to live and grow, I am minimizing the likelihood that I will burn out and increasing the likelihood that I will work hard enough to keep growing in my new position).
What did it take for me to get to this point?
Honesty, humility and faith.
Honesty with myself about what I really wanted from life and what I really wanted to be doing with myself. Honesty about what was holding me back and the willingness to dig deeper and find the obstacles that were not in actuality externally created obstacles, but self-defense mechanisms to keep me where I have been all this time - in the constant loop of disaster, instead of moving forward and beyond my comfort zone. Honesty about what I needed to do to move forward and everything that came along with the decision to move forward along this path.
Humility was needed to contrast the pride that was holding me back from not only seeking help and advice from people who could provide such things, but also from accepting the truth of what those people would speak to me.
Faith in the process is the constant fuel for what moves me forward.
It didn't feel comfortable for me to make the changes I needed to make in order to move forward. In fact, it felt like I was putting myself back, or as a friend suggested, putting myself into a scarcity mentality versus a mentality of abundance. Cutting back on my travels, my eating out and spontaneous expenses felt like I was cutting out on my life. However, I was advised to do these things by a few someones who knew a thing or two about cutting out debt and building investments. I had to let go of the old ideas on why my finances were so challenging to me and embrace the reality of what was holding me back. I had to have faith in the process that taking this advice and making these uncomfortable changes would actually get me to where I ultimately wanted to be.
I could probably talk for many more moons about this topic and give you many more examples of how these layers affected me in other areas of my life, but the main reason I shared these things with you is to potentially help you see where in your life you might be making similar mistakes. Ask yourself if there's any issue that keeps coming up in your life that you'd like to get rid of. Be as honest as possible with yourself and review the following questions:
1. If you're currently on the path towards a goal, is there anything holding you back from achieving it?
2. If so, what is holding you back and why?
3. Is there anything you can do to overcome this goal?
Chances are, going through these questions and digging deep will help you start to bring to the surface the different layers of defenses that have been built up to keep you in the state of homeostasis that you're existing at right now. Being cognizant about the issue is what helps migrate you from that big bubble of a comfy zone out to the vast, open tundra of the zone of maximal growth. It may even be painful to face the reality beyond that comfort zone, but try to remember that it's only temporary. The reward at the end is much greater.
Feel free to sound off your thoughts on this blogpost. I'd love to hear what you all have to say, your experiences on the topic and what you've done to overcome or if you're currently working towards overcoming your own self-created obstacles.
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