No way? No Excuses!

"You can start with nothing. And out of nothing, and out of no way, a way will be made." — Michael Beckwith

One a rainy Saturday not too long ago, I was driving uphill with my two little monsters in the backseat, on the way to my parents' house (neither parent was actually home, but we figured that we'd hang out and wait for them to come home after a short trip away from our own home).  The road is a main thoroughfare in the area, but not quite the super busy road, especially at 8:00 pm in the pouring rain.  Most traffic in the area was to and from the residences in the immediate vicinity, however, it being dark and rainy and all, there were a few times that cars traveling at a high rate of speed for the area came speeding around us (the lack of police in the area makes it a great area for speeding far above the posted speed limit).

For those of you whom are familiar with the San Francisco Bay Area, you are probably aware that outside of the Cities of San Francisco and Oakland, a car is pretty much a necessity in order to get around.  Having two little guys, two jobs that require lots of travel and picky preferences with regards to our nutritional needs further cements the necessity of a vehicle.

This was no good.

30-minutes later, my youngest child was crying his head off, my older child was asking me (for the hundredth time) why mommy's car pooped out and when we were going to get going, my patience was wearing down.  I had posted a PSA on Facebook to see if anyone in the immediate area could be of assistance when all of a sudden, my mom happened to pass us by.  She had forgotten something at the house or whatever reason she had for going our direction and things started turning up.  She was able to take the kids back to the house (forsaking the party she was supposed to go to), call AAA to help us with a tow and wait for me and my car to arrive at the house afterwards.  I patiently waited for help to arrive, and while waiting, found help from a couple guys passing by to push my car out of the way of danger and to the side of the road.  Fortunately, one of the guys happened to used to work at a local transmission repair shop and referred me to them, citing that the owner would most likely be able to help me with a payment plan (considering my lack of suitable income for big emergencies such as this - most ESPECIALLY a transmission job and who knows what else could have gone wrong - this was a Godsend).  Within a few days, I had the car towed to that shop and discovered that the owner was a neighbor of my parent many moons ago.  Score!

The car stayed at the shop while the shop owner had to research whether or not the manufacturer would be able to help us out since the vehicle is relatively new and well-maintained.  It took a couple weeks to determine that I'd need a full replacement of sorts, and that the manufacturer could not help us out because my warranty had run out 30,000 miles earlier.  The part would have to be ordered and installed.

During that time and the weeks following, I lost a key figurehead from my childhood to death, had my grandpa lost and found, got pulled over for blocking an intersection and was given a citation that resulted in the borrowed vehicle I was driving being impounded and subsequently released after a large fine was paid to the City of Hayward and the towing company that towed the vehicle, grandpa was rushed to the hospital that same week for a TIA due to a blocked carotid artery, grandma rushed to the hospital for respiratory failure due to a case of pneumonia hitting her right lung, an uncle died and the very next day, my Member Services/Sales Manager at the gym lectured me about the need to pick up on my sales skills/prospecting potential training clients.

UGH.

I suppose I could use each and every difficulty and obstacle listed here as an excuse for lagging, not doing my work, failing in my day-to-day tasks and sit down and eat bonbons while moping around in my own self-pity...

...HECK NO.

I'm committed to growing and becoming a better version of myself every day, no matter what.

I'm accountable for whatever mistakes, no matter how small, unintentional or just plain stupid they might have been, that brought me to some of these circumstances.

I understand that life is gonna pull you out of your comfort zone (as discussed in my last blog) and that will not feel good, but I will grow so long as I handle the discomfort with strength, understanding and faith.

I think to myself about how I need to address each and one of these events in order to keep moving forward.

Progression is not an option, it is a need.

I may not be moving forward as quickly as I'd like, but the only thing that matters is that I am moving forward.  I am learning, I'm handling each event in life and taking what it has to teach me about what I'm doing and how I need to adjust, adapt and move forward, and I'm applying the knowledge.


The first few blogs I have put out this year definitely speak to some of these principles and practices that I must use regularly just to keep moving forward (feel free to browse through blogpost 1, blogpost 2 and blogpost 3, if you haven't already).  In my next post, I'll be talking a little bit more about progression and will likely link you guys up to some great reads as a supplement to the art of evolutionizing your life.

Until then, ciao, much love and blessings.

Peeling Off the Layers

"Much research suggests that people have a “psychological immune system” that initiates protective adaptations when an actual or impending threat is perceived (see Gilbert, Pinel, Wilson, Blumberg, & Wheatley, 1998)."

Taking it all the way back to basic biological science, our bodies strive to exist in a state of homeostasis - a state of autonomic regulation, or more simply put, balance.  The body has a natural immune response to stressors attempting to disrupt the system, which is why our mucous membranes get all slimy and leaky when we catch a cold and our internal body temperature becomes feverish during certain illnesses.  However uncomfortable these states of being are, they exist as the body's natural way of fighting off that which is disrupting its happy state of balance.

So imagine that our psyche's also have an immune system of its own that initiate protective adaptations towards actual or potential threats... I dare say the psyche is not quite as straightforward as the body is.  Enter the theory that we have layers and layers of self-defenses we'll put up in order to stay in the constant state we're in.  So, if we've been living a certain way for some time, don't you think change may take a little work to effect?

You've probably seen this image before (and if you haven't, glad I could introduce you to it).

We live our lives with expectations, ideas, and we get comfortable with our schemas and notions of the way things "should" be done or the way things are.  Even when we complain and state how much we don't like our lives, we've grown accustomed to our routines (or lack thereof).  We love our sugary drinks and staying up til the wee hours of the morning partying our asses off into the sunset, lathering, rinsing, repeating... but O-M-G!  I hate the way this dress is(n't) fitting!  WHOSE BODY IS THAT in the mirror?  We love our sleeping in til noon and freedom from day-to-day... but I HATE being BROKE!  I need a job/to win the lotto/etc.

Let's get a little more personal here... I have been struggling financially for awhile.  It has probably been my biggest issue that I have wanted/not wanted to face ever since I've entered adulthood.  On one hand, I've always dreamed of being financially secure and stable enough to do what I want to do freely - buy toys, trips and good food without a second thought, treat family and friends here and there, help charities that touch my heart, drive randomly everywhere and anywhere without regard for gas mileage or where I'll end up that night... whatever.  In many ways, I lived that way for a good while throughout my early twenties.  However, it was always living to the last coin, never truly hanging on to a good savings for a rainy day.

Sure enough, the unexpected would strike and I'd be forced to get creative about funding or, to the chagrin of my ego and pride, seek help.  For example, in January of 2005, I was on my way home from work in the wonderful San Francisco rush hour traffic when a girl utilized my trunk space as a stopping device for her vehicle at or around 60 mph.  My 2001 Honda Civic LX was shortened, as the trunk was smooshed into my backseat.  After having to salvage the vehicle, I made a series of poor choices with regards to the money I received from my insurance due to the underlying fears I had of getting a car that I was so fond of and something bad like that happening again.

That series of poor choices included purchasing really cheap vehicles that costed me more in the long run than it would have costed me if I had just invested in a decent vehicle regardless of the incident.

But was it really just that underlying fear, or was it a deeper issue with financial responsibility that was the issue?

Years, two children, a bunch of big unexpected events that cost a pretty penny and many paycheck-to-paycheck months later, I did finally come to the point at which I realized that there was a deeper-rooted issue with my entire view of money and finances that needed to be addressed.  Once I came to that conclusion, listed out my priorities and financial obligations, it was like the Universe opened up to guide me on how to tackle each one by one, as I moved forward to finally doing what I needed to do to really live the life I wanted to live.

These things ranged from finally putting into savings and cutting my debt list down one by one to finding employment in positions that are linked to what I really want to be doing with my life (and believe it or not, this is an important aspect of the financial responsibility equation because aside from the understanding that I do need to make enough money to live and grow, I am minimizing the likelihood that I will burn out and increasing the likelihood that I will work hard enough to keep growing in my new position).

What did it take for me to get to this point?

Honesty, humility and faith.

Honesty with myself about what I really wanted from life and what I really wanted to be doing with myself.  Honesty about what was holding me back and the willingness to dig deeper and find the obstacles that were not in actuality externally created obstacles, but self-defense mechanisms to keep me where I have been all this time - in the constant loop of disaster, instead of moving forward and beyond my comfort zone.  Honesty about what I needed to do to move forward and everything that came along with the decision to move forward along this path.

Humility was needed to contrast the pride that was holding me back from not only seeking help and advice from people who could provide such things, but also from accepting the truth of what those people would speak to me.

Faith in the process is the constant fuel for what moves me forward.  

It didn't feel comfortable for me to make the changes I needed to make in order to move forward.  In fact, it felt like I was putting myself back, or as a friend suggested, putting myself into a scarcity mentality versus a mentality of abundance.  Cutting back on my travels, my eating out and spontaneous expenses felt like I was cutting out on my life.  However, I was advised to do these things by a few someones who knew a thing or two about cutting out debt and building investments.  I had to let go of the old ideas on why my finances were so challenging to me and embrace the reality of what was holding me back.  I had to have faith in the process that taking this advice and making these uncomfortable changes would actually get me to where I ultimately wanted to be.

I could probably talk for many more moons about this topic and give you many more examples of how these layers affected me in other areas of my life, but the main reason I shared these things with you is to potentially help you see where in your life you might be making similar mistakes.  Ask yourself if there's any issue that keeps coming up in your life that you'd like to get rid of.  Be as honest as possible with yourself and review the following questions:

1. If you're currently on the path towards a goal, is there anything holding you back from achieving it?

2. If so, what is holding you back and why?

3. Is there anything you can do to overcome this goal?

Chances are, going through these questions and digging deep will help you start to bring to the surface the different layers of defenses that have been built up to keep you in the state of homeostasis that you're existing at right now.  Being cognizant about the issue is what helps migrate you from that big bubble of a comfy zone out to the vast, open tundra of the zone of maximal growth.  It may even be painful to face the reality beyond that comfort zone, but try to remember that it's only temporary.  The reward at the end is much greater.

Feel free to sound off your thoughts on this blogpost.  I'd love to hear what you all have to say, your experiences on the topic and what you've done to overcome or if you're currently working towards overcoming your own self-created obstacles.

Chugga Chugga... Momentum?

It's Monday again! Er... Actually, It's Tuesday now.

I was actually going to write about adjustments, adaptation, accountability and progress. Actually, I still am. However, before I get there, let me tell you a little about how this week started for me - the excitement, the drama and the happy endings... all of it... just because.

As fluid as time is, there is usually a cause and effect type of phenomena when it comes to the way we progress through life. What we did last week often has an effect on the way we do things this week. The only exception is death, really. Even abrupt life changes that force us to drastically change the way we live are affected in some way by our recent histories and/or past experiences. That said, even in the effort to bring in the New Year, clean the slate and start fresh will have its debris from the recent past and any unfinished business to clear in the beginning at the least.

That said, I was having a helluva time trying to put my words onto the screen. I had a flurry of topics that I wanted to put out there all fighting for their place in the world simultaneously buzzing about the plans for the week and the mountain of a to-do list I had created for myself this year. Sunday night came and I found myself kicking myself in the butt for committing myself to a weekly posting (while still knowing that it was all a valuable part of my journey). I had kept putting off the writing til the 11th hour and I knew that something had to be started whether I like it or not. So I begrudgingly started... 

...and then we had a family emergency.

As I was in the middle of writing the beginnings of this week's blogpost while waiting for the laundry to dry, a call came in from my aunt (simultaneously with a text from my older cousin): Grandpa took what was supposed to be a 10 to 15-minute trip to Target at 6:00 pm and had not yet returned. It was already 10:30 pm at night. A welling flow of worry and fear started to take over, as my anxious thoughts about work and Grandpa and my car in the shop and the children and wars and world peace... okay... so just about everything was exploding in chaos in my mind.

Grandpa is typically a fairly capable man for his age. Kind-hearted, hard-working and nurturing, he's the type of guy a scammer would pick out, and Grandpa, without his cash on him, would drive the scammer to the ATM and withdraw money for the guy and his "church donations" (true story). Aside from his big heart, his physical heart is the other weakness he has. In the past year, he had been rushed to the hospital for passing out stone-cold in front of a Rite-Aid due to a pacemaker failure. Now you know exactly how worried we were on a cold, wintery night when 4 1/2 hours after he had left, he was nowhere to be found.

My oldest uncle and aunt in one car, my younger aunt in another, our family searched the city hoping to catch a glimpse of the car he had borrowed to make his Target run. My youngest uncle, the owner of the vehicle Grandpa had driven, filed a police report and was waiting for police to dispatch someone to the house to take down the report and open the case. I had decided to throw out a PSA on Facebook, in the case any of my friends and network might be able to help bring him home. My youngest cousin took it upon herself to drive around in search of Grandpa, along with the other two family cars that were on the search. My eldest cousin had called to all the hospitals in the surrounding area and still nothing. By 11:30 pm, there was still no sign of him, nor any success in getting the police to the house (though CHP and VPD had assured us they would keep their eyes out for his vehicle).

By close to midnight, we were all fearing the worst and praying hard for him to be safe. As I was texting w/ my youngest cousin, she was driving in the dark and foggy isolated area near a local park, when she sent the message, "I FOUND HIM!" Half-fearful that she'd find someone else driving the vehicle an half-hopeful we eagerly awaited the news.

It was him. Grandpa was safe. A little lost and citing the darkness and the fog as his reasons for being lost, but safe. 

By the time we had settled down enough, Monday had come and my mind not quite ready to turn in. I knew that I'd be tired by morning if I didn't sleep soon, but I still had everything that I needed to do ahead of me and though I was not feeling (at that moment in time) the momentum I wished I had to push me forward, I forged ahead anyway.

The days that go by are not perfect. The goals we set for ourselves are not always so easily achieved. We will work at it, chiseling away at the stone as Michelangelo had worked at La Pieta. Things happen, we end up having to take the steps I mentioned in my last blogpost, but the key to it all is adaptability, accountability and openness. Being open to the idea that every step is not perfect, and in order to stay on track we must be able to adapt through whatever may come. We have to hold ourselves accountable, even if there is no one in front of us to cheer us on, and even when we don't feel the push we want to move us forward. In fact, to adapt is in itself an aim, no matter how you look at it. Growth and positive change is adaptation at its best. 

The road to progress is paved by openness, adaptation and accountability.

I could have told myself that no matter how much I need to settle down and sleep, considering that I have a client first thing in the morning and a mountain of a to-do list, I made a commitment and am keeping myself accountable to that commitment. I will write as I had before, allowing the words to spew from my heart and mind onto the screen and let it be done on the date I had set for it to be done. Additionally, I feel that this type of self-discipline and motivation is exactly what I need at this point in my life to keep the momentum going; not just the momentum that keeps my writing going, but the momentum of self-motivation that translates to all the other aspects of my personal and professional life, as well.

Take fitness goals, for instance:

You make a goal to lose weight/gain muscle/be all you can be/just be healthy. You move forward and maybe you're that group that sees progress right away, maybe you're not. Depending on where you started and what you're doing, your progress in 4 weeks may not resemble another person's progress at 4 weeks... or even 12 weeks. While it is completely and absolutely possible to make some amazing changes in a 12-week period, if you're one of the people who doesn't immediately see that progress, should you stop striving for your end goal? Hell no. Just cause you don't look like/are as strong as the person next to you or still have a crapload of health issues, doesn't mean you're not eventually going to get there, get close or maybe even supercede your goals. You shouldn't even be comparing yourself to anyone else... not even your past self (in the case of those of you who went through enough life changes that you no longer recognize who you are anymore). Your path before you has brought you to where you are now, and making a new path will definitely take some patience and work.

This is best accomplished in small bites.

Enter the immediate (daily) goals, short-term (phasic) goals and long-term (BIG/milestone-type) goals, and how they all fit together. Your Monday through Sunday, Weekly/Two-Week/Three-Week, and program completion objectives. There are a bunch of little bits adding up together to make a big bit. Whether it's starting small on the weights or focusing on eliminating/adding nutritional habits to your daily routine, you're starting with the small bits to get the job done at first. As you progress, you'll certainly add load, eliminate/add more nutritional habits, and so forth until you finally reach your ultimate goal. The important thing about all this is remembering what each phase of your program is supposed to look like, and identifying stages appropriately to help you keep perspective of that ultimate end goal.

When life throws you them lemons, maybe you're phase will get extended, maybe you'll fall back a little, but that doesn't mean you stop progressing or moving forward. Find the power within you to make the baby steps - take it back to the day-by-day before you get daunted by the mountain of the week ahead. Keep perspective of your end goal and much like Friday comes sooner or later, you'll get to it.